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I woke up this morning and dragged my yawning, sleepy butt to the kitchen to boil water for my morning bath. As I turned on the light and looked away from the switch to the kitchen, the sight that met my eyes drove the sleep away and brought tears of anger and frustration to them. I stood for a full minute thinking about whether to cry or scream. My kitchen was a mess of food dragged across the vinyl counter and floor. The sink was just an eye sore. There were biscuit crumbs, chocolate stains and even some drops of soup on the counter.

Every where I looked, there were signs that Jerry had been in the kitchen last night as had been the case for the past few weeks.

Jerry had come to live with me about two weeks ago. He had just gotten into the house and made himself at home. We lived happily together and I had just started getting used to hearing him making noise around the house. In the mornings before I woke up, he would be gone for the day and just before I went to sleep at night he would come back for some chat time and a lil snack.

I didn’t have a problem with it until last week when I came home and found that Jerry had decided to move in completely. That was fine by me until he started leaving his shit everywhere and was always messing up the kitchen in the middle of the night. He wasn’t contributing the for the rent, or the food, he didn’t do any kind of cooking and definitely no cleaning, so why did I have to put up with his shit all over the place?

This particular morning was the last straw because as I stood there wishing Jerry would choke on some of the things he had eaten and die in his sleep, he popped out of the pantry area and gave me a look with him small, beady eyes and tweaked his nose in an annoying manner as if to say “what ever gurl! watchya gonna do?”
Before I could open my mouth to protest and vent, he was gone. I was so annoyed, I could only continue with my morning routine while trying to ignore all traces of Jerry, which on this certain morning seemed not just to be in my kitchen but suddenly in my whole house.

I made up my I was gonna make sure I caught him red-handed and taught him a thing or two about messing with people’s homes and lives (literally and figuratively). As I left the house that morning for work I thought about how I would get him and by the time I got to the transit bus I had my strategy all mapped out. I thought about killing another being and felt absolute pleasure in my thoughts. I couldn’t wait to cause some harm.

That evening when I got home, I quietly put my plan into action before he came home so he wouldn’t see me do it. When he came in that night I pretended not to notice his presence not just because I didn’t want him to know something was up, but because I was so angry with he whole situation I would have started throwing knives at him.
That night I went to bed grinning a more evil version of the cat grin from Alice in Wonderland. I was going to get and kill me some house mates!

When I woke up the nest morning, I sat on the bed and listened for any sounds and sure enough I heard something.
On getting to the kitchen I found not one but two rats caught in the trap! Jerry had even been rude enough as to bring home a guest! Well it served tem both right! They looked at me with hose ugly beady eyes and made squealing noises as if saying “Oh pls, forgive and forget! Please let us go!”.
I had my evil grin on again and after they sensed my intentions, they seemed to understand their predicament and started squealing even more. At this point I laughed out, picked up my kettle and went about my morning routine. On my way out I picked up the trap with both rats squirming in it and happily disposed of it. That weekend I had a carpenter and mason fill out all the cracks and holes in my house.

That was the last I heard from my unwelcome and very unwanted house guest, Jerry.